sick of being sick...

Despite a runny nose and sneezing and a sore throat, I thought that I felt pretty good the past three days.

That all changed today - I FEEL LIKE CRAP.

I've lost my voice, can't stop coughing, can't stop sneezing, can't breathe, can't see from watery eyes...

And I'm sick to death of Cold-Eeze lozenges, OJ, water, sleep, vitamin c, DayQuil, NyQuil, yogurt, cough drops, Vick's, sore throat spray, buying more tissues and toilet paper.....

In short, I'm SO sick of being sick. :(

Oh, so we're FEELING now?

I think I've been putting off writing anything down about moving because I'm afraid that I'll actually have to face my feelings instead of just putting them in the back of my mind. But since I have already cried today, I figured that now is a better time than never to get everything out.

Change has a funny way of affecting people. There have been sayings like "change is a good thing" to help people cope with it, even. Honest truth? Most of the time it sucks. I'm not saying that being with my family and saving money is a bad thing (because it's actually great), but uprooting myself from this place I've made my home for the past 4 years is really tearing me apart. Just thinking about leaving all of my friends, my regular customs here, the fun things I've been able to do, living by myself and having as much freedom as I needed is really difficult for me to do. I think back on saying to so many people how I just wanted to get out of Reno, but really, the place has grown on me, more so than I thought. And now that I do have the chance to leave, I don't really want to anymore. I want to take back everything I said about Reno being so bad and replace it with all of the things I love - Gold 'n Silver Inn, waking up to a fresh sheet of snow on the ground, San Raphael park, the University, the park that overlooks all of Reno, people watching in the casinos, meeting the craziest people at work and always having a story to tell about them, living right next to the river, being only 1/2 hour away from Tahoe, having everything be open 24 hours...I could list things for hours. When you wake up to this being your front yard in winter, how could you not love it here?

Besides leaving what I love about living here, it's also devastating me to leave the people I've met here and the ones who have become my closest friends. Rachael, Joselle, Liz, all of my friends at work, Kristen and Mario, Jen, Yvette and Chico, Zeb, Dan, Evie and Daniel....once again, I could list for days. I know I'll be able to visit, but it won't be the same. I can't call someone up to have a sleepover that night if I need to talk. I can't go hang out with someone after work. I can't drop off surprise cookies when I want to. I have customers I see all the time at Raley's that I won't see anymore. I'm just going to miss everyone I've met here, A LOT.

The upsides to moving home:

~ I get to hang out with Amber a lot more (obviously, since we're going to share a room :D)

~ I get to spend time with my family

~ I WILL SAVE SO SO SO MUCH MONEY!

~ DACH IS HOME AND I GET TO ACTUALLY HANG OUT WITH HER!!

~ New school, new job, new friends

~ Trader Joe's is 5 minutes away instead of 15 :)

~ I won't have to request off work for a few days in order to take a family trip somewhere

So, once again, I am still having extremely mixed feelings about moving home. It's complicated, as is everything with major change. Never completely positive, but also never completely negative. I'm trying to stay positive for the most part, but it does get hard while packing your life up again in boxes, realizing that it may be a while before living on your own again, thinking about all of the memories of worn out jeans and funny letters from friends and marching band socks. Reflecting, for me, has usually always been hard, but especially now, trying to think about going back to Roseville - my home, yet not my home. I feel like I am leaving home again, for the second time in my life. And with that, let the tears come.

In other news, my birthday is in THREE DAYS, and sadly, I'm not looking forward to it. Frank's already in Woodland for the week, so he won't be there to start my day off and I also have to work. Not only is it working on my birthday, but it's my LAST DAY at Raley's. Depressing in itself, and definitely not something I wanted to deal with on my birthday. They are supposed to be celebrations, yes? But once again, leaving the place I spend most of my time and all of my friends at work, let alone on my special day, just upsets me. Either way, I hope I get a couple birthday wishes, ha :) I'm planning on coming back up to Reno for my birthday weekend, so hopefully that will make up for having a LAME actual b-day.

I hope everyone has a better week than I, who is soon 22 and still broke ;)

Short List of Thoughts

*My cats are driving me UP THE WALL...

*I have work tomorrow morning at 9...dreading...

*I stilllll need to write down all that I'm feeling about moving

*I miss my boy when he's gone...:(

*In spite of everything, Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" always finds a way to calm me down...:)

*OFFICIALLY 3 DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY!! :D

People MAY Surprise You...

It's been interesting the past couple of days. Biggest lesson?

People are not necessarily who they seem to be.

Whether it's a good or bad surprise, it's proven to be very true the past couple of days.

I won't name names or use very intimate details of the bad one, but I have examples of both to share with you. There was a person who I thought I knew, thought they were cool and fun to be around and could have ended up being a great friend. And of course (I'm sure you've guessed it by now), that person surprised me to my core. They hurt me in a way that very very few people have or ever will in the future. It made me question a lot of things about myself - was I suddenly a bad judge of character? could I have prevented this somehow? how would I look at people differently from now on? would I be able to pick up on the 'red flags'? I just felt horrible knowing that I had previously admired this person and now would give anything to take back my assumptions that this person was a friend. What's worse is that there WAS an awkward feeling at the beginning of the friendship that I just couldn't put my finger on - I dismissed it for whatever reason. Obviously, I should have gone with my gut feeling.

On the other side of the spectrum though, I was surprised to find support and happiness from a person I previously disliked. Funny how people can surprise you, yes? Anyways, I suddenly found myself talking to, trusting and getting (good) advice on things from this person. I saw a side of him that I hadn't seen before and it was nice to know that despite all of his teasing and being a dick, there really is a great side to him and that he truly is loyal to his friends. I am extremely thankful for that surprise.

On another completely different side, I SURPRISED MYSELF! Yesterday, my boyfriend Frank, came home from Woodland - I haven't seen him in about a week. After several interesting situations this last week, I realized how wonderful he is to me and how much I really do love him. SOOOOO....instead of making him cook dinner (as he ALWAYS does), I COOKED!!! This may not be a crazy surprise for you, but you need to know the background for this. I have come to find out that I can bake extremely well. I cannot cook. Cannot. It never turns out the way I hope it will or I mess something up, or any number of things. BUT, after three hours, a smoke alarm going off and me standing in the kitchen watching the minutes go by, I cooked a wonderful meal! I made "Chicken breasts with mushrooms and cream" by Julia Child. I was upset because it didn't look like it was supposed to, but after tasting it, I realized that I'd actually cooked something right! I also made chocolate covered strawberries with white chocolate stripes for desert...my babe was SO impressed! Of course, now that he *thinks* I can cook, he'll probably try to convince me to do it half of the time now. Either way, I completely surprised myself with how well my meal turned out and I think I will cook more in the future!!

In other (bittersweet) news, I am for sure moving back to Roseville. There are many many ups and downs to this, but my main goal is to save up money. More rambling on this news to come....

(Right to Left : my smoke alarm NOW, after I had to murder it; Julia Child's wonderfully yummy recipe; my cute strawberries!)

Hope everyone has had a wonderful week! I'll write again soon!

In Awe

I was trying to go to sleep (which never seems to happen anymore..) and listening to some really calm harp music. Just realized that the harp is probably one of the prettiest instruments ever. It's just gorgeous - and this is coming from a flute extremist :)

I think I want to add that to my "Life Goals" list - learn how to play the harp. Remind me to put some items from that list up tomorrow....that should be entertaining enough for everyone to imagine me skydiving or completing some nurse work or learning "Hungarian Rhapsody #2" for piano. HA. Either way, I'll list those off tomorrow!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful night!

Customer Complaints

Dear Raley's Customer:

Included is a list of complaints. It would be wonderful if you could respect these and be normal customers the next time you shop at Raley's and expect me to help you.

1. If you're paying a bill, I can NOT process it if you don't have the actual bill.
2. When the customer service desk shuts down at 6:00pm, don't yell at me for not opening it back up at 8:00pm.
3. If you have a return, only managers have keys to get your money back. Don't get angry at me for making you wait while I call a manager over to help you.
4. If I am assisting you, it is RUDE to be on the phone and ignore me. I will try and speak over your conversation, especially because there are other people in line who are waiting WITHOUT phones.
5. If the soda machine says broken outside, it's broken. Don't put money in it TWICE and expect that any store employee will repay you.
6. Asking for "extra light, double paper bags" really sucks. 
7. Courtesy clerks actually don't really want to go outside...they are just required to if you "want us to".
8. Don't yell at checkers and treat them horribly and then say "we have an attitude problem" when we don't smile or talk to you while bagging your stuff.
9. About 99% of the time, I DO know what I'm doing. Stop telling me how to do my job.
10. If all else fails...READ THE SIGNS. We post everything you need to know ALL around the store.

Now, I know these may be hard to follow, but let's just try out a few every time you shop, alright? Everyone in the store will appreciate it and we will (ready to be shocked?) TREAT YOU WITH THE SAME RESPECT. Funny how that works, huh?

Sincerely,

A Somewhat-Pissed Off Employee

New blogger on the loose!

YAY! I have never had a blog before, so this is actually quite exciting! My little sister, Amber, was the one to show me hers and I was very inspired. I have journals, but never seem to be able to keep up on them. MAYBE I'll be better with this. After all, it is basically like an online journal, yes?

The only big news of the day is that I MIGHT be moving back home...for many reasons, but mostly to save money and finish my general education classes without being constantly broke. I have so so so many feelings and thoughts that have been coming and going and can barely think straight after everything. More on this to come...

I got TWO scrapbook pages done today! I'm excited that my skills are progressing as I continue with this wonderful new hobby. Some people have running or cooking or cleaning as their way to "get away"; I have discovered that mine is scrapbooking. :) Also, in the mail today were about 10 new ON SALE scrapbooking items that I ordered a few days ago! They look even better in person! I'm so excited to use them sometime soon. :)

Alright, there's day one of blogging. I'm really hoping to keep this up - but we'll see how it goes...:)

GOOD NIGHT!