Oh, so we're FEELING now?

I think I've been putting off writing anything down about moving because I'm afraid that I'll actually have to face my feelings instead of just putting them in the back of my mind. But since I have already cried today, I figured that now is a better time than never to get everything out.

Change has a funny way of affecting people. There have been sayings like "change is a good thing" to help people cope with it, even. Honest truth? Most of the time it sucks. I'm not saying that being with my family and saving money is a bad thing (because it's actually great), but uprooting myself from this place I've made my home for the past 4 years is really tearing me apart. Just thinking about leaving all of my friends, my regular customs here, the fun things I've been able to do, living by myself and having as much freedom as I needed is really difficult for me to do. I think back on saying to so many people how I just wanted to get out of Reno, but really, the place has grown on me, more so than I thought. And now that I do have the chance to leave, I don't really want to anymore. I want to take back everything I said about Reno being so bad and replace it with all of the things I love - Gold 'n Silver Inn, waking up to a fresh sheet of snow on the ground, San Raphael park, the University, the park that overlooks all of Reno, people watching in the casinos, meeting the craziest people at work and always having a story to tell about them, living right next to the river, being only 1/2 hour away from Tahoe, having everything be open 24 hours...I could list things for hours. When you wake up to this being your front yard in winter, how could you not love it here?

Besides leaving what I love about living here, it's also devastating me to leave the people I've met here and the ones who have become my closest friends. Rachael, Joselle, Liz, all of my friends at work, Kristen and Mario, Jen, Yvette and Chico, Zeb, Dan, Evie and Daniel....once again, I could list for days. I know I'll be able to visit, but it won't be the same. I can't call someone up to have a sleepover that night if I need to talk. I can't go hang out with someone after work. I can't drop off surprise cookies when I want to. I have customers I see all the time at Raley's that I won't see anymore. I'm just going to miss everyone I've met here, A LOT.

The upsides to moving home:

~ I get to hang out with Amber a lot more (obviously, since we're going to share a room :D)

~ I get to spend time with my family

~ I WILL SAVE SO SO SO MUCH MONEY!

~ DACH IS HOME AND I GET TO ACTUALLY HANG OUT WITH HER!!

~ New school, new job, new friends

~ Trader Joe's is 5 minutes away instead of 15 :)

~ I won't have to request off work for a few days in order to take a family trip somewhere

So, once again, I am still having extremely mixed feelings about moving home. It's complicated, as is everything with major change. Never completely positive, but also never completely negative. I'm trying to stay positive for the most part, but it does get hard while packing your life up again in boxes, realizing that it may be a while before living on your own again, thinking about all of the memories of worn out jeans and funny letters from friends and marching band socks. Reflecting, for me, has usually always been hard, but especially now, trying to think about going back to Roseville - my home, yet not my home. I feel like I am leaving home again, for the second time in my life. And with that, let the tears come.

In other news, my birthday is in THREE DAYS, and sadly, I'm not looking forward to it. Frank's already in Woodland for the week, so he won't be there to start my day off and I also have to work. Not only is it working on my birthday, but it's my LAST DAY at Raley's. Depressing in itself, and definitely not something I wanted to deal with on my birthday. They are supposed to be celebrations, yes? But once again, leaving the place I spend most of my time and all of my friends at work, let alone on my special day, just upsets me. Either way, I hope I get a couple birthday wishes, ha :) I'm planning on coming back up to Reno for my birthday weekend, so hopefully that will make up for having a LAME actual b-day.

I hope everyone has a better week than I, who is soon 22 and still broke ;)